I love myself, seriously. As a fella who prides himself in being a Gemini, I really feel like there are so many personalities to myself. At the end of the day, I funking LOVE YOU, Cyrus! Muuuaaah, motherfunker!
No joke, I really hope things pop off for Joell Ortiz. See, as a youngster ---> 25 year-old fella, I like to look at artists I either most relate to or have interviewed and really respect. Joell Ortiz represents a good hearted fella who really is about dope hip-hop, not really on the complicated (sorry, Lupe Fiasco) tip, but on a respected level where you feel like he is rapping for you. Much like Derek Jeter has been my Yankee role model and someone I feel hits the ball extra hard for a fella like me (and 8 million other Yankee fans), Joell seems like he picks the microphone up with the same intention. Man, Joell, keep doing your funking thing homie.
Women, do you often wonder when and why your husband/boyfriend/male friend masturbates? Does the thought haunt, turn you on or maybe just disgust you? Well, the answer to your question rests in the above photo. Brazzers, Bang Bros, Reality Kings, BadJoJo, XVideos and Spankwire.....here I come.
This. Guy. Is. Funking. Funny.
Despite my obsession with sex, phrases you will never hear me tell my girl/a girl/your girl:
"Baby, let me get a blowjob."
"Mmmm, I want some head."
"Suck my d*ck right now, baby."
Rather, foreplay usually indirectly leads to the oral sex aspect.....funk the overly dirty talk. Ughhh. (laugh)
UPDATE: Just changed my mind, now I want to have sex with (fill in the blank) but not before (fill in the blank) while hoping (fill in the blank) would join in.
(laugh) I seriously believe I put this up a few days ago, but nonetheless, FUNNY! I wonder how long it takes the average person (you, sorry, no disrespect) to find out the funny person in this photo. (LAUGH)
Two moments of truth, ready?
First moment of truth. Do you REALLY not know what movie this is from?
Second moment of truth. How many times did you either rewind or pause this scene? Bonus props if you used the slow motion feature. Bonus, bonus, bonus props if you were like me and did the play-pause-play-pause "Killer Instinct"-type move to create your own slow motion? (laugh)
..............to those of you who could not answer any of these, then please unfollow me (@CyrusKLanghorne) and never return to this blog ----> space ever again.
I know this sounds very random but I must say it. Despite my obsession with sex and sex themed, umm, themes, I really pride myself in not cursing (come on, "funk" does not count, yo!), drinking or smoking. Therefore, if an over-abundance of vaginas, nipples, intercourse, degrading but appealing photos and ".gifs" really upset you, well, shucks, maybe you just need sex in your life? Hey all you virgins, masturbation counts! Now go out and be somebody! (laugh)