Okay, so maybe I over hype myself a little....sometimes....A LOT! But yes, I'm human and I have a major flaw.......(personal insecurity?)......
I'm laughing right about now because I'm remembering how I gave my big homie 'Barry' the choice between eating a banana or a pickle in public...
He didn't realize that I was setting him up to answer a 'trick question', but I guess maybe I'm the only one that is cautious (or paranoid?) about eating certain penis-like foods in public....maybe, just maybe....
Come on, really though.....is this blog posting so simplisitc and borderline 'Huh, what?' that my argument is looking like it may actually catch an "L"?
Just look at the photo from up above. Is there really any 'masculine' way that a man can eat a banana in public?
"Yo what's up, man?"
"Nothing homie, just chilling...eating this banana."
Come on, I know this is really going in the 'childish' category, but you cannot convince me that there is any where 'YOU' can be walking (or even standing) with a banana in your hand and NOT feel insecure.
Fo' real fo' real, I'd rather walk around Manhattan (fine, we'll exclude Chelsea if you think it wouldn't have an effect) with my pant's zipper down, than to be munching on a banana.
Now be aware, this does not include the so-called similiar foods such as ice cream and hot dogs. Those are more....'celebrated', and you can cleary make the distinction in the style of eating these items.
From shoes without laces making people look 'retarded' (such a strong word, such a strong feeling) to foods that shouldn't be eaten (happily) in public, I have it all. While some of YOU may be thinking,
"Oh snap!? What am I to do?!" Be easy! You know I gotcha!
TOP 5 WAYS TO TRANSFORM YOUR BANANA *PAUSE* INTO A FUN EATING PUBLIC SNACK
1. Go to the ice cream man, ask for a cup of vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice cream and toss that banana in there!
2. Get one stick of meat *PAUSE*, and after completing it, pop that banana on there, yo!
3. While riding the subway, break it in to little pieces, cock your head back, and pop in your mouth like popcorn!
4. Offer the girl riding the bus with you the chance to feed a real "G". ***Slaps may occur depending on your 'pimp status'...***
5. Play it safe and keep it in the bag!!!
Okay, okay...I'll admit, the photo up above is really stretching, huh?
The first? Yup, yerp, chea....it is true. Whether it is your first date, first kiss, or first anything....it is 'fake'....sorry, but true!
As much as you think you're reading a 'reckless' blog posting, you'll have to really consider all of your 'firsts'. No one...sorry, NO ONE is who they say, appear, and 'try' to be.....
Consider your first day at school. Matter of fact, I'll give you a perfect example... Going in to my final semester at Rutgers, I finally had the confidence that I would just go in 'myself'...but neerp! It doesn't happen.
Whether it is how the people 'trying' to be a certain way on the first day act, or just you trying to see how you'll adjust to the settings, you're not you. Hence, the above photo illustrates two different faces that we're seeing.
While we may not necessarily appear to be as crazy or sadistic as the head on the left hand side, we are simply a 'temporary' version of who we really are.
Even considering when you date, marry, or just get in any type of relationship (business v. personal)...you may try for quite a while to act a certain way, but in actuality, we're seeing (whether we want to admit it or not) how that other person or persons react to different things that we do, or others do.
Another 'quick' example.......my 'first' girlfriend. Cwazy cute, and while I want to say that 'she' was the crazy one (although, from reading these postings...you may beg to differ, huh?)...I'll admit that we both were putting on a slight of a 'front'...her being cute w/ smiles, and me over-hyping myself more than Yayo speaking on Fif(ty) in an interview...
All I'll say is, "Beware" of 'The First'.....yup yup!
You got it, right? No matter how many people are starting (CONTINUING) to rock them, I will 'never' (ever, ever, ever) get down w/ kicks or dress shoes that don't have shoe laces....fo' real real fo' real.
If you can't make out the above images, let me break it down to you...
Subject 1: Hospital/Patient Slip-Ons
Subject 2: The 'new' dress shoes
Come on, are you serious? I still cannot understand how these shoes are making it on the feet of celebrities on the covers of magazines...really!
Let me break it down to you like this...
Shoes WITHOUT shoe laces illustrate "Laziness"
Come on, are you telling me that just because they have the infamous Louis Vutton logo attached to 'em, that they're 'that 'ish'? Naaah maaan.
The only time you'lll catch me slidding anything on to my feet is the occurrence of slippers/sandals, that's it! (Okay, maybe some swimming kicks since I have 'sensitive feet', whoa!)
Like I said, maybe it is just me...but when I'm on the train and I see a lot of these 'guys'..PAUSE....dressed cwwazy nice w/ the ill(matic) tie, dress pants, coat....AND.......lace-LESS dress shoes just makes me cringe!
Now, I won't get too in to the style aspect of it...(Come on, I wear a fitted for EVERY outfit I have, no exceptions!), but I will say that you cannot convince me that a pair of dress shoes that slip on to your feet is the new 'flava'.....geesh....
Look, the idea is just ludacris (yes, I'm intentionally shouting out "Luda"...no spellcheck needed!), that you can try to tell me that I should be 'accepting' of this trend.
The "Penny Lofter" (spelled right?) was as far as I would go to acceptance, and I still don't agree w/ that style!
Come on, I can't even picture my grandfather co-signing these new shoes, let alone me!
I am really against putting anything (in the sense of 'writing') that is not from my own dome piece, but this really deserves a spot on here. Cwwazy yo!
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
DR. PHIL:"The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how he's acting responsibly by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems."
OPRAH:"Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and get on with the good works that he wants to contribute to on the other side of the road."
GEORGE W. BUSH:"We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here."
COLIN POWELL:"Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road..."
ANDERSON COOPER- CNN: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road."
NANCY GRACE: "That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks."
PAT BUCHANAN: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American."
MARTHA STEWART: "No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level."
DR SEUSS: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told."
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: "To die in the rain. Alone."
JERRY FALWELL: "Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that."
GRANDPA (DEF. NOT MINE!!!): "In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was go od enough."
BARBARA WALTERS: "Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road."
JOHN LENNON: "Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace."
ARISTOTLE: "It is the true nature of chickens to cross the road."
BILL GATES: "I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken."
ALBERT EINSTEIN: "Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken."
BILL CLINTON: "I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?"
AL GORE: "I invented the chicken!"
COLONEL SANDERS: "Did I miss one?"
DICK CHENEY: "Where's my gun?"
AL SHARPTON: "Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens."
Hillary Clinton: "I have vast experience with chickens and if elected, I will ensure that EVERY chicken has the ability to cross any road they desire."
(sooo tryin' not to laugh at this photo.....we all have been there, but 'aaaammmmn Lil' Jon!)
Now originally, I wanted to do a simple posting saying "Where the BEEP is Lil' Jon?"...but having come across this instant classic photo, I may have to make a quick change of plans.
First off.....how in the world does Lil' Jon switch his style up THAT much? I mean, I'll admit.....those hair styles were a bit crazy in '89 (Word up to "Mookie" from Do The Right Thing!), but the Crunk King really pulled a Game on us!
Going to my original game plan, my question is 'Where is Lil' Jon?". Remember just a few years ago, this guy was killing everything!
Yes, Lil' Jon defined popular culture for a nice streak of time. But as I said in last month's posting "Can I Live", how long does that streak last? While the Crunk Movement fizzled out like a Pepsi trying to stand a chance against Coke, his prescence alone brought up a lot of excitment.
The accomplishments he has achieved thus far are mo' outstanding than the warrant level of Vic Vance from the GTA series.
Ying Yang Twinz
The Eastside Boyz
2X Platinum Records and mo'
Influence on Video Games (Def Jam: Icon, Tony Hawk Series...etc)
And with ALL of this said, the sad fact is that he STILL resembles a distant relative to Sam Cassell!
I swear to 'Gosh' (word to 'God', yo!), I'm sooo going to have to hear about his come next family gathering....yerp! (This is what happens when you tell your family you have an online blog, so check it out!)
Okay...to my surprise, I have found ONE idea for the tons of extra condoms I have at my house. All right, let's not get it twisted, I'm not a sex addict (yet?) but I DO have a ton of condoms. Let just say that I could bet the house and still have a spare few in case I needed to pull a Monster's Ball scene....(yerp, I'm nearly lost in my own words too, fo' real fo' real!)
I have really considered giving most of them away to friends, but I can only imagine the jokes used AGAINST me once I do that.
"'aamn Cyrus, waiting for marriage, huh? P****y."
Then, I thought about going in to my final semester of Rutgers with a "Here I am, baby!!!!!" type of attitude......but doesn't that go against my "Weekend Girl" posting? Errr....
So I figured, why not do a posting on what to do w/ them. I guess in other words, I'm trying to give an indirect message to all females that I'm LOOKING for an ANSWER (w/ ASSISTANCE) to HOW and WHEN and WHERE and WHAT TIME to use these 'extra' condoms....
FYI...thank 'God' that I'm in my early 20s right now, or else I would have the pervert police after me sooo fast.....
Of course, the ultimate plan is either placing them throughout the NJ Transit w/ soap liquid in them to pull a 'fast' one on the conductors for always seeming so grumpy....can you imagine the fright that would offer? It'd def. secure me a seat from NY to New Brunswick if I had it right next to me, huh?
If that plan didn't sound good, I figured filling them up as water balloons and getting my Cambo (Cyrus minus the 'yrus' plus Rambo minus the 'R'....bare w/ me...12:28 AM, half asleep, and still typing!) on....
This is too weird of a posting to have a TO BE CONTINUED...but I promise that when I get to single digits, I'll provide an updated.....sike!!!! (Maybe? Hhhmmmm...)
You can say whatever you want about his, but booty calls are becoming extinct! Really! Let me just tell you, by '09-'10....you will be considered 'old-school' if you are receiving or giving booty calls. Yes, I agree...it is sad, but it is life.
Yes, make way for the new, improved, mo' stylish than your average hair salon.......BOOTY CALL! While the name change involves an extra syllable (come on college heads, "Mes-sage"....), the meaning and end result will be primarily the same.
Think about it like this. Remember how before MP3s we primarily used CDs? 'fore CDs were were using tapes? 'fore tapes it was vinyl records? Before then...well, you get the point...booty messages work the same way!
In a way, a booty message is a LOT easier, too! Let me school you to the top 3 ways to receive a booty message:
1. TEXT MESSAGE (via cell phone)
Quick, easy..and for ANY explanations, you can just hit the Speed Dial and 'SEND'....in addition to the ease, you can save the embarrassment of getting turned down by her 'silence' or 'laughter' by a text back saying, "Oh, maybe next time, sugar!"
2. FACEBOOK/MYSPACE MESSAGE
Similar rules apply to the online community exchange, except you can get even crazier w/ the help of photos from your photobucket account showcasing your uhhmm...."talents".....
3. MSN/AIM INSTANT MESSENGER
With the ease of your computer or phone to help the typing, you can receive immediate responses in nearly half-seconds while increasing your typing and response speed. Your booty message can get sent the fastest and most securely (well, that 'depends...') via this format. Although, like the other methods, you NEVER know who 'all' are reading your horny messages.
With booty calls being placed in the hands of technology and turning in to BOOTY MESSAGES, it has never felt better to be a myspace thug!
You really have to love it, right? From 'Superbad' being "In Theaters August 19" to "Own It Own DVD December 4", I think I'm really losing my mind! Yerrp!
I still remember in '96 when I went to go check Blockbuster Music (Whoa...remember those?) w/ mom(z) and asking when 'Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood' would be released on VHS. (What!? VHS...yes!!!) Okay, well...maybe 'mom' asked the guy there, but that's not the point.
"No time soon." (The explanation was MAD wack...homie was claiming it'd be another year and change before it go released to VHS.)
Now look at things. Superbad was still in a lot of theaters going in to October...well, at least around my way....and they already had the DVD loaded w/ features ready for shipment 'round two months later....
In my quest to search for answers...(Okay, I just asked the 'Production' dude what he thought...), I went all the way to the end of my desk to ask an 'expert' what he thought.....
The 'expert': It is all about timing. The companies want to release movies when they think people will be most likely to buy the most.
Okay..okay....so Dec. 4th? Roughly 21 days 'fore the X-Mas Day nighmare...yup, sounds about right......but my question is why did it take so long for the companies to realize this?
Ohhh....could it have something to do w/ the fact that movies are cwazy wack nowadays? Come on, do you REALLY want to see 'The Eye' w/ Jessica Alba? Geesh, girl gets her vision and starts screaming about seeing 'death' and horror. Not only does homegirl not even show 'Doc' love 'fore getting her sight (back?), she takes it to the extreme of screaming and crying about what she sees......hope you never ends up lost on an episode of the Westside of Baltimore in 'The Wire'...
Okay, so maybe I let loose w/ that last paragraph..but really, movies are WACK nowadays..think about it.....
When is the last time you saw a QUALITY sports film that got released natioanlly?
***Coach Carter? Awww, please...I'll accept 'Glory Road' 'fore that movie.
Recent BOMBS: ANY sports movie w/ Bow Wow in it, a romance story, and kissing.
When is the last time you saw a QUALITY romance film?
Recent BOMBS: The Lake House.
When is the last time you saw a QUALITY black-based film?
***The Great Debaters
Recent BOMBS: Soul Plane, Waist Deep, Idlewild, EVERY Cedric The Entertainer flick
When is the last time you saw a QUALITY comedy film?
Recent BOMBS: Be Cool, My Super-Ex Girlfriend, Snakes on a Plane (YES, it WAS a comedy...too horrible it was cwazy funny!)
Sooo, what does this mean for the future? The months keep getting cut shorter and shorter 'til movies finally get released on discs faster than those straight to DVDs flicks.
I think the bootleggers are even considering part-time jobs w/ the loss of business they're getting since movies are coming out to stores so fast. With bonus features and unrated versions of films exploding to the scene worse than Preston Parker and his latest actress, only time will tell how long this trend will continue. What's next?
"Ain't no (backpack) like the one I got."
"No one can treat you better, (yerrp!!!)."
Of course, of course. I'm being soo soo serious, really! I love my backpack to def!
Come on, you 'know' that I didn't put my hands in to anything that was 'off-limits', but the freebies that I was able to bring home on a daily basis helped to even out the expenses it took to take that NJ Transit!
Anyway, the 'backpack' is slept on cwwaazy much! (Wait, that is some real NY fragmented wording, you're still w/ me?) I still bug out when I see the illest kicks, fitteds, and jewelry on some of these 'kids' on the subway, BUT(T) they have the wackest backpacks I've ever seen! Come on, fo' real fo' real!
My people, really think about backpacks. I will admit, for those of you reading this via Missouri or other non-urban spots, this may be a bit of a blur...but(t) to all of my urban (NY, ATL, LA, Detroit, say word...I feel like I'm doing a bootleg blog shout-out, huh?) locations, "Y'all" (k)no(w) better!
Going back to the beginning, I will re-state the importance of your backpack. The backpack aka "book bag" is the equivalent to a suitcase to your plane/train trips. It is the equivalent to your trunk when driving in the hooptie. It is the same as your wallet to your cash (or change...I see y'all!).
But fo' get that.....you can switch up fitteds, jewelry, iPods, clothing, even 'teeth' (well, Paul Wall-ish grills) on a regular basis, but when you put your money in to a cwazy nice backpack, you're good fo' life! (Okay, that's stretching it...but you're good for a minute...)
*The bookbag is originality to the fullest. From going to see the Ludacris concert w/ the digital camera in the side pocket to having to sneak it in to Yankee stadium, me and my bag have history, yo! The good, the bad, and the ugly...we've conquered it all! No fitted has out-lived the North Face bag!
*Just look at the above photo...while Kanye only justified the style of going around w/ a bookbag (see the irony? A college dropout that reps w/ a backpack..he's so double platinum (again,) by next week....(currently around 1.8+ millin units, SOLD!)...), the 'backpackers' have been holding it down 'fore Q-Tip was w/ the 'Tribe'. From bags that go w/ your outfit to secret parts to hid those....uhmm.....'big things poppin'.....the bag can upgrade your 'hood' status while keeping your lunch notes from mom(my) hidden from the crew!
Okay, fo' the record, I really do apologize for your eyes getting warped by this flasy image, yerp! Just read faster, that might help! (Or the "x" in the upper right hand corner, but you've read this much..so continue! Unlike "The Village", this gets better!)
Silence.........I'm soo soo serious! I really do need an explanation for the expression "Hey Baby." This could really make or break someone. You know what, I'll tell you about what happened to me, today.
I'm sitting down at the desk that I work at and a woman (a 'girl' to all of my liberal readers) that I'm friends w/ walked by, after me saying "What's up [yeah right, like I'd say her name]!", and replied to me with a warm seductive and luscious tone and smile, "Hi bbbaaaabbbbbbbby".
Okay, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration...but she 'did' show love and say 'Hey baby'. Now this is the same friend of mine that has previously asked questions in regard to wanting to know how old I am, marital status, bank account amount in my savings, where I live and other information. (***Editor's Note: Please disregard her third question.***)
In any other instance, I would have jumped over my desk, wrapped my du-rag around her and pulled the Mortal Kombat "Scorpion" signature saying of "Get over here!"...but she....has.....a......BOYFRIEND! (As I've mentioned before, boyfriends (and girlfriends) are TEMPORARY..while marriage is nearly the same w/ the creation of the 'divorce'.....)
As she proceeded past me and I scratched my Yankee fitted wondering how I'm supposed to accept such comments, I couldn't help but put together the list of.....(drum roll please?....).........TOP 5 BORDERLINE "I F**KING WANT YOU!!!!" LINES TO DRIVE THE MOST SINGLE AND MOST 'INVOLVED' PERSON COCOA FOR CO CO ERR....OR IS IT CO CO FOR COCONUT PUFFS...ERR.....(You 'know' what I mean!):
1. "HEY BABY"
Please re-read this posting w/ an Advil and Redbull.
2. "THANKS, BOO"
This ultimate reminder of Usher/Alicia Keys will drive any man or woman to complete horny-ness. (Sorry Grandma and Grandpa!)
3. "OKAY SUGAR"
Say this is just a good ol' Mid-Western saying, but used in the context of a quiet room and eye contact...explosions may occur!
4. "WHATEVER YOU WANT"
If someone of the opposite (or 'same'...it "is" '08, after all) sex gives you the choice of whatever you want and you're still breathing, proceed to rip ALL clothing on until you realize you're in your public library and the security guard has been bored since '92.
Yes, I watch the Food Network channel too, but unless you have a tuna casserole hot out of the oven, you better steer clear..someone is working on making you baby's daddy number....?
Dear Felicia "Snoop" Pearson,
'amn, I'm sorry...I don't even know how to start this out.
I'm in love (, again). Yup, yup...w/ you.
Can you believe it? Sure, people laugh and don't take things like this serious, but I have to let my feelings out. People laughed at J.Lo and Puffy. People laughed at J.Lo and the dancer. I even laughed when she got w/ Ben Afflect (?).
What do 'we' have to lose? I will admit, I used to really not like you. You acted 'too' tough, aggressive, and no one understood the things that you would say. I've gone through similar situations, so fo' get that!
You like women. So do I.
You like rapping w/ Tony Yayo. I mess w/ 50.
You live in Maryland. I lived in Maryland.
Don't you see the connections we have? So what if you 'really, really' like women, I can accept that. That lets me know that if you cheat on me, it is only w/ another woman, no fellas.
Your swagger off of 'The Wire' is soo romantic in that 'I'mma kill you' type of way, and it really catches my attention. Remember when you said, "Me tooo" in that tough tone at the end of Season 4 when 'Bunk' pulled you guys over? Well, I do...and let me tell you, from there, I swore my allegiance to you.
Ever seen Bonnie and Clyde? How about the song w/ Ja Rule and Charlie Baltimore? That could be us! Maybe we could put the guns to the side, but we'd be the illest couple you could imagine.
We would 'son' so many of these people acting tough but really aren't about anything. We could both do push-ups and laugh about why Cam'ron made a song about his I.B.S. Can you imagine us at IHOP hitting on our waitress? I could get the number and you could convince her to swing by. We'd be great!
Well, I'm thinking about you more and more. I heard "A Baltimore Love Thing" by 50 Cent today, and I just smiled thinking about your character Snoop w/ a pistol in her hand along w/ your scene w/ the nail gun at the bootleg Home Depot.
Awwww, we're do we go from here? Write back, your friend and soon-to-be-(fill-in-the-blank!),
Just for the record, I have NO idea who shorty is from up above...but I will admit, she came w/ this title on a catalog website! Hhhmm...wifey material?
Errr....Killa Cam says it best..."Weekend Girl"
Now I'm not the type to say that I'm a Daddy Mac (Shout-out to Kris Kross Though!) and Bill Bellamy can keep the "How To Be A Player" award (despite the "L" he took at the end of the movie!), but I do get approached by a lot of females. Well, lets just say that when it comes to being asked out on dates and hanging out, I really hit'em w/ the "Ahhh, let me get back to you."
Why aren't there more people that just want to be a Weekend (Girl)friend? Really. Think about all of the benefits you could come about. You DON'T have to worry about fixing meals and preparing for week night events, because the weekend is YOUR time w/ hubby.
Rick Ross said he was "Hustlin'", but even hustlers need a break. (Well, Cassidy had a bit of an extended break during lock-up) Break time?
Think about all of the times you have wanted to hit on somebody. Or switch it up, how about when they have tried hitting on you. Of course there are the smiles and giggles, but as time passes and schedules conflict...do you still have the same feelings?
Really think about it. A lot of people complain about how the relationship seems a bit dull and boring, right? Some even take it to the extreme by seeing others while still in the same relationship! Really! However, if there are clear and precise terms at the moment of engagement, these problems can be deaded!
"I'm really looking for a weekend girl/boy."
You still have Monday-Friday to take care of your hustle/business, while offering your services for 48 hours on the weekend. How nice would that be? Remember how you both would stay on the phone for hours weeknights? Maybe talking until past 1 AM? 2 AM?
Well, by offering Sat/Sun, not only do you maintain that excitement and thrill of feeling like you're in a fresh relationship, you are not giving yourself a HUGE commitment. What is the worst that could happen if things don't work out? Oh, you have your weekends freed up again, right?
TOP REASONS TO REALLY, REALLY, REALLY CONSIDER A WEEKEND GIRL/BOY
1. FREE WEEKENDS
Of course you have free nights, too...but once you get to 5 AM on a Wednesday morning, those minutes kick in! Saturday and Sunday give you unlimited cell phone time all day long!
2. START THE SHOW
Everything is open on Saturdays, and most places are open a bit late on Sundays in case you decide to have a......cough cough...."sleep over".....Saturday nights! ; )
3. EXCUSE ME MISS
Have you ever gone to see a hit movie on a Tuesday night? Notice all of those empty seats along w/ the slightly perverted looking man at the end of your row w/ a pack of M&Ms? Keep it safe, go to the movies on Saturday!
4. NO TIME
Hanging out and sleeping over on a weeknight could, for some people, cost you your job. Worse case on the weekends is that Tinkerbell might wet on your couch while you're OT.
5. OH MY GOD
Over-reacting about having to wait in line at the club? Hearing all of the freaky (no, really FREAKY in the sense of Charles Manson) stuff she has seen will give you at least 4-5 days to think of that excuse to break it off.
****FYI: I'm dyin' laughin' over here from my own 'ish....the list stops here!
Ahhhhhh, "I've Got Jungle Fever. She's Got Jungle Fever. We've Got Jungle Fever. We're IN LOVE!!!!"
Yup yup...."I've gone white girl crazy, she's gone black boy hazy...we're in love."
Okay, I 'think' those are just about the same lyrics...but can I live? (?)
Really, this posting is very deep and true to myself. Especially due to the fact that I am the creation of Jungle Fever.
Say word, can we make a Jungle Fever 2? From hearing "So, do I give you a "taco" or "chicken" from friends making fun of my Puerto Rican and Black heritage, I've been the result of Jungle Fever!
With so much hostility still existing among all races and types of people, along w/ Kimora Simmons appearing in tons of commercials, I figured...why not?
While many people won't admit that they're racist, or AT LEAST a bit 'hostile' against other races...it is ALWAYS evident when it comes to 'love'....or at least relationships.
Shooot, I will tell you that 'Jungle Fever' caused one of my favorite relationships to get deaded back in '06. Yerp. Me. Korean Girlfriend. My family already used to the "jungle fever" fever. Her family more confused than Ms. Spears's dancing at the '07 VMA's.
I still don't know what the 'fuss' is about. The stereotyping of a group of people....nah, fo' get that..."ME" is just silly. Stop playin' yourself 'stupid'! (Stupid w/ the "Rosie Perez" style and linguistic!)
Maybe it is because I was born with mixed feelings and ideas that have led me to really appreciate and respect the mixed races joining together. What is the fuss all about anyway?
TOP REASONS TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TITLED "JUNGLE FEVER"
1. Shared Cultures...Yummmy!
In addition to Spanish dishes during Thanksgiving, soul food tops it all off!
2. Best of Both Worlds
Who can't argue w/ your collection of Kenny G records and his Warren G discs?
3. First Born
If kid(s) are a possibility for the future, imagine the complexion(s)!
Have you ever fooled around someone not of your race? You notice all of the features you DON'T have...fore play just got taken to a whole 'nother level!
5. (Fill in the Blank w/ Your Own Personal Reason!)
Just look at Carlton Banks's excitement up above. How could you resist???
I'm LATE!!! (Word to the 'Bonus Song' from Kan-yeezy's "Late Registration"!) Yup yup...can I say that I was 'grindin' like the Clipse from '02? Hhmmm.....aiight, maybe I was down and out on some Killa Cam type stuff feeling sicky icky icky....or I could just hype it up and say I was clubbin' and watching tip drills....hhhmm....nah...
Apologies, apologies. Really, I felt it was only necessary to justify the perceived "L" that it seems I took for being M.I.A from my blog for the past 48 hours or so? But I promise, I'm making big moves and it is all a master plan!
What do I propose now? Well, taking the EPMD route, I'm 'Back in Business' w/ mo' blog postings, mo' blog postings and MO' blog postings!
What can 'we' expect? Awwww, don't worry! I've got YouTube videos coming, new fonts to play w/, hotter scoops, and even more in-depth looks at topics.....so stay tuned!
Late, but ALWAYS on time! (Figure that one out, suckas!)
Back on my New York 'ish!
To be completely honest with you, I really wanted today's posting to be "Jungle Fever" based on mixed people, (ME!!!) and just an insider's perspective, but I can't get this song out of my head..."Goodlife" from T.I.(P)'s '06 album, 'King', featuring Common and Pharrell. Although, for anyone that may have just browsed my blog postings's (or is it suppose to be "postings'"?), I don't mind if they think that I'm referring to Kanye West's 'The Good Life' single. Either way...smile!
As of lately, (truth be told, since returning from a family trip out Mid-West (Warrensburg, baby!), I've been breathing in new air, fo' real fo' real) I have really been appreciating life. To solidify matters, I just heard this song about 48 hours ago (yup, Nick Nolte ain't got nuffin' on me!) and I've taken my life to a whole 'nother level.
If you haven't caught on by now, this posting is talking about 'Goodlife' and just appreciating things. (Sorry, my google 'images' search for "Goodlife" only brought up that image, I was hoping for a goofy kid w/ a fitted hat and big dumb smile, so I had to settle for that above image!)
My favorite line from this single (yup, I'm listening to it as I type, catch up!) is "You gain courage from your fears, right after you go through it.". Guess what? I DID!
Confession time (grab the notepad!). Despite my cwwazy excited self and attitude, I have a weakness...dun dun ddduuuuun. Elevators.
You know if there were music on the elevator, it would be fine...but Donald Trump skipped Chelsea (, New York) so you're stuck w/ the big elevator, tiny space (oxymoron?), and silence among others.
With this song in my head, a refreshed and reviving feeling, and confidence (although I was shakin' yo!), I said......
"Have a good day!"
Can you believe it? As simple as that seems, I realized that it really is! Just being on the elevator, rushed attitudes and people seeming to hold their breaths, I felt like I've conquered everything else....I have a best friend of nearly 20 years (eh, I'm only 22, what does that tell you?) that I could trust my life with. I have an immediate family that I feel like I can escape to. I have the best, goofy, crazy, intelligent, colorful and 'yo boy!' mom(my) in the world (at least the US, I haven't seen the Italian mothers in Rome since I was born). I have really faced about everything....(I know, make a new paragraph, right? Come on, if you've read this much, just stick w/ me!) From being born to a single mother (father 'was' around, but lets just say he wasn't there (mentally)..), well...that really kicked in around '92 when they separated. We went from just us living 'low' but I would have never known it. Always having whichever toys (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, yo!) were 'hot' to eating meals three times a day and even having a 'cute' babysitter, I have always been taken care of. Being political, people could label it as 'lower-class', but at my age, there was no way you couldn't tell me I wasn't living the 'goodlife'!
Fast-foward mode and I've made the jump to Honor Roll (once I moved to Maryland and the grading scale favored me! Maryland: "90-100=A" Florida "93-100=A"), having a 4.0 plus grade point average, limiting to completely not cursing, not touching liquor or smoking, and I'm happy.
Call me the latest 'Antwone Fisher' where he's saying, "I'm still standing, I'm still strong!" or Will Smith's character bursting in to tears as he was awarded the job at the end of "The Pursuit of Happyness", that is ME! (I know, this posting is more of a diary than a posting, huh?)
Going in to my final semester at Rutgers University, living the single life (Mrs. Right Now is soooo soooo serious), and having my family behind me 24/7 (well, until I start acting crazy and running around w/ do-rags flopping around and the Bunny Slippers jumping...) it seems that I really am living the Goodlife.
"Yo, Cyrus. What am I suppose to get out of this?"
Well, what am I telling you? Hhmm.....(come on, you think this wasn't already planned out as far as a response is concerned?)
Live you life. Really. It is all about a state of being. I used to put tons of pressure on myself, and then I just 'let go'. I realized that although I have this 10+ page French Literature paper due in about 27 hours and all I have typed is, "Je m'appelle Cyrus Kyle Langhorne" in the upper hand corner, just laugh.
Just as simple as it was to say 'Have a good day.' to the person(s) on the elevator, life in all other aspects is exactly the same. Trust me, I'm by no way or means 'rich' in the sense of currency, but you couldn't convince me that a million dollar interest every 3 months in my bank account in exchange for my grandparents would be suitable. Nah yo! That is the problem. Many people take in to consideration too many physical factors, rather than feeling of 'love' or even 'anger', feelings that come from experiences good and bad. I remember not getting a call back from a particular restaurant job I interviewed for while looking to work part-time in New York so I could focus on Capitol Records and Rutgers, leaving me feeling a bit down and angry. However, knowing that it would all work out, I used that energy and who would have thought that a job would have popped up just a few weeks later at my previous internship (Cornerstone Promotion/The Fader, baby!) leaving me an awesome schedule (4PM-7PM) and not having to work the weekends!
Enjoy and learn from life. We make what we believe are 'mistakes' at certain times of our lives, but it's the people that are able to laugh it off and keep moving forward that really get the most out of something.
The Goodlife. Catch up, I'm waiting... ; )
FYI: I'm currently overcoming a stuffed nose, BUT nothing will keep me from mentioning that my KNICKS are currently on a three game winning streak! (Come on, I needed something to brag about w/ them!)
"The do-rags are back, fitted hats.....(somethin' somethin'....)...." I always mess up Nas's lyrics right after the fitted hats part.
Anyway, I feel that this posting is essential not only to the readers, but even more so for myself as reinforcement.
First off, the terminology and spelling of the do-rag varies. From 'do-rag' to 'doo rag' and 'du-rag', there are all types of ways that it is spelled out. My biggest feeling on this subject is the desire for people to know 'why' we wear do-rags.
"Wearing a do-rag looks dumb."
"So, you're a gangster?"
Yup, yup...I've heard it all. But honestly, I can not blame the critics. Personally, I've worn a do-rag in some shape or form practically everyday since my 8th grade year..I suppose for the past 9 years or so. I LOVE my do-rags. Honestly. The comfort and security that they provide is cwwazy nice.
Being mixed, my hair tends to go great w/ the caps, but I'm not wearing the cap for the waves, necessarily. I wear it, mostly due to the fact that it feels great on my big head, for another very big reason.
It sounds silly, but I wear a do-rag to show that someone from the 'bottom' has risen to the top. To me, it is a symbol of my growth. You always hear the stories about how people change(d) once they go in to a career or get older, and my do-rag reaffirms my mental strength and attitude towards life.
Since the early part of the 1900s, do-rags had been used mostly to secure hair in place, along w/ creating strong waves. As mentioned previously, I wear the do-rag for many reasons, especially to be different.
As weird as it may seem, I have committed myself to my do-rag. Really! From having specific ones (ex: night time, morning/outside, etc.) I still remember a really close person to me hiding my do-rags, knowing it would drive me crazy!
While I understand some harsh comments towards the 'do-rag', I think it is mostly due to the fact that 'everyone' (very drastic, huh?) are seeing bad replicas from media and movies such as "Malibou's Most Wanted" or real 'gangster' movies.
However, if I catch so much heat about the do-rag and how movies dumb 'black people' down then how come I don't hear the arguments against the even BIGGER over-used prop, the chain. From silver, gold, and platinum....jewelry is really beginning to take off. 'til later, "wearing the du-rag for no waves. Obeying no waves." -Nas, The Lost Tapes
Awww.....Cam, what happened? Honestly, I really want to know....really. You may not be too familiar w/ me, my name is Cyrus...or GOCYRUSGO if you really want to keep it political. Anyway, that's neither here nor there, but we can be here or there. Remember that line you used? From 'Killa Season'?
I remember hearing you for the first time on Funkmaster Flex's 60 Minutes of Funk Volume 3: The Final Chapter. Remember the song you had w/ Charlie Baltimore? You really didn't catch my attention, but then I had remembered your song w/ Ma$e..."Horse and Carriage"....yup yup. I was impressed.
Some time went by, you did a few other records really grinding. You finally had things going in a great direction when you exploded on the scene by expanding your friendship w/ Dame with your signing to The Roc.
Yes, you were making history w/ those records. But of course one of my favorites was "New York City", remember the fire in that record? You even had one of your, at the time, former rap enemies on there w/ you..."Jigga". Nas was whining and you repped your position well.
Things got shaky when you were announced Vice President of The Roc while Jay was having crepes in Paris, France...but it was all good. You kept staying relevant by putting Juelz Santana in a prominent position to shine along with getting The Diplomats established. You even had a major role in the '02 flick 'Paid in Full'. You were on top of the world! (No Ma$e reference, just a coincidence!) You even had the entire MALE population feeling good enough to rock pink polo outfits and furs. With your slang being more jacked than Timbo's beats from back in the day, from "What's really good?" to "What's really really really really really good?", you and your crew were the center of attention.
But....the walls slowly began to fall in.
Beefing began w/ Jay. Purple Haze kept getting pushed back due to being about 'business, never personal' as you said in the intro to 'Diplomatic Immunity Volume 2'. The Roc splits up and you were looking at other majors (record labels). Ma$e comes back in to the game thinking he should be welcomed. The stress began to pile up.
You finally released Purple Haze gaining a lot of attention w/ "Down and Out" along w/ "Get'em Girl" and "Killa Cam". Jim Jones was getting in to the game pretty hard w/ his first solo debut a few months prior to your release.
BUT, things began to shake up AGAIN.
The beefing from Jay-Z became more serious, mixed w/ the continued anger against Nas, Ma$e, and all of the other "Homo" thugs, right?
'Killa Season' finally dropped right after your movie release, of the same title, went straight to DVD. The singles were hot. "Wet Wipes" and "Touch It Or Not (remix)" received a lot of radio spins, really!
But your rapping skills were really beginning to come under scrutiny by critics. The argument that you weren't rapping seriously and that you were just putting words together that either sounded exactly the same or just seemed to 'rhyme' was the main ruling upon you.
I tried ignoring all of those statements, but then you had to diss 50. Although he is in my top 3 (Biggie Smalls, Jigga, Mr. Vitamin Water) rappers, I wasn't trying to have him make me NOT like you even less...oh, excuse me, "NO HOMO" (I know how you love(d) that expression). But, he brought up EXCELLENT points.
"Computer 'puting, boogedy bootin'" -Alleged Cam'ron lyric
I have to admit, have you lost touch of your true essence and respect for hip-hop? I mean, we already have enough dumbing down of hip-hop from a lot of the new artists, but you're representing NEW YORK when you talk silly in your rhymes. I watched your sales dropped and continued to argue that it was just the music industry and that all sales are down.
HOWEVER, in '06 both TI and Ludacris went platinum. You've been rapping longer than BOTH of them, Cam! Your total sales for "Killa Season" rounded out around a little over 300,000+. How is that possible?
Maybe you were a little too confident when you said, "I do this (rap) 'cause I'm nice." Say word(, son)?
Well, I can't even bring myself to justifying your disappearing over the entire summer while threatening Fif(ty Cent) by saying it was going to be a hot f**king summer in your BOXER SHORTS, in front of a tiny pool at your 'condo', and on YOUTUBE. Only time will tell what the real story is behind your recent (past few years, 'recent') becoming of borderline 'wackness'.
I'm still rolling w/ you Cam, but you have to give me a lil' more than empty promises and half naked YOUTUBE(!!!!!!) videos. "Killa!!!"
Your (soon-to-be-former?) Dipset fan,
I really 'swear' on everything I own, I tried keeping quiet. Even when the remix hit, "I'm In Love Wit A Stripper (remix) featuring Paul Wall, Twista, R. Kelly", and the nickname (Teddy Pendera$$?) started poppin' up in his songs...I kept quiet.
Even when he started pulling the Akon effect and appearing on EVERYBODY'S records, regardless of person (Kanye's skills vs. Yung Joc's skills? What!?) and background...I kept quiet.
With his dressing up as a full-blow geek/nerd/loser/(fill in the blank) during the '07 BET Awards, gaining a few disses via morning shows due to the weird wardrobe, I kept quiet.
But enough is enough. Today, Monday, January 14th, 2008, I heard Lil' Wayne using the "T-Pain Effect" on a record. I still can't forget how awful it came out, and I'm not a Lil' Wayne disser, really.
With 'everybody' either using T-Pain on their records or using the same voice machine to make their voices sound like his (Chris Brown's "Kiss Kiss", Snoop's "Sensual Seduction", etc.), I still kept quiet UNTIL today.
Only if you've intentionally been keeping away from hip-hop (I honestly can't blame you due to its current state) since last May, you would have noticed Lil' Wayne appearing on ALL records related to hip-hop. From doing remixes to making songs hotter (Duffle Bag Boy!), he has been making the 'game' more interesting w/ cwazy funny lines and old-school metaphors..."Get over here like Scorpion" (Mortal Komba, maan!)
HOWEVER, hearing Lil' Wayne sound like T-Pain was pain to my (Big!) ears. I titled this posting 'Beware' (shouting out Big Pun's Capital Punishment) because we all have to be aware of the case of copy catting. I won't even lie, sometimes and most times rappers can pull it out.
I have heard tons of biters of Lil' Wayne's style, but hearing so many clones of T-Pain was getting to my nerves. But the final point was Wayne. With an already high-pitched and, most times, annoying voice...the "T-Pain Effect" completely destroyed the record and made me rush home tonight just to get SOMETHING written in relation to this problem.
Let this be a lesson to ALL aspiring ANYTHINGS...(including myself)...it is cool to learn and try new things...but at the end of the day, USE LOGIC and BE ORIGINAL....yo!!!
Remember the times when female rap and r&b groups reigned (?) supreme? It seems that just about every few years there is a female group that truly kills the game. TLC ruled the 90s with brief interruptions by groups like Salt-N-Peppa, En Vogue, and Total.
From then it was Destiny's Child that took over the game. I can't even fake, I'm still bouncin' (in my head, yo!) to "Soldier", while trying to apply the idea of the song towards a female.
With Destiny's Child out-of-sight like Clooney and J.Lo, are there any other groups that even stand a chance? With groups like Cherish and newly formed 'Dear Jayne', it makes you wonder if they will ever make a claim to fame or fizzle out like 3LW?
Being a true hip-hop head, I will admit that I really am not too stressed out on this subject, but it really does make you wonder. Think about it. The female girl groups have history going all the way back to the '60s and further (shout-out to the 'real' Dreamgirls!). Therefore, it is only necessary for me to address a crisis that is existing in the r&b scene.
Some reasons why girl groups don't stand chances nowadays is because of the idea that many of the singers can bank bilions (okay, lets keep it safe and say 'thousands') on their own. B was holding all of the weight with the group, supposedly. Left Eye was signing a solo deal w/ Death Row Records. Other groups just couldn't take each other.
All in all, we need a strong girl group that can help pump up the excitement, sexiness, and sassy back in to the R&B game. Think about it. Could you imagine if Ciara and Keyshia Cole joined forces to make 'The Goodie 2 Shoes'? How about Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey and Whitney coming together? They could all be called, "Drama Queen Triple Threats". Okay, maybe I'm stretching it a bit, but you get the idea!
With sales down across the board, it is clear the music industry needs that strong boost from SOME angle!
See, the only problem w/ having a blog is having the format to express any and all of your ideas, but sometimes you can crush friendships, relationships, and contacts due to the items discussed in them. Realizing this, I must keep the show going and go forth w/ my...
TOP 5 MAINSTREAM HIP-HOP ARTISTS WHO SHOULD NEVER MAKE ANOTHER ALBUM
1. Fat Joe
Claim to Fame: Hard representer of the Bronx, more broadly New York City, and veteran in the rap game. Platinum plaque status w/ his '01 album "Jealous Ones Still Envy".
Why he needs to "Say Goodbye": This NY head has gone more off track than Britney Spears doing her 2 step routine. From giving up his NY flava and releasing the same format of tracks ("Make It Rain", "Crackhouse", etc.) w/ Southern rappers, especially Lil' Wayne, Joey Crack's street status is being compared more to Rick Ross than any NY legend. He's selling ring tones, but where is that hard core NY rap, Crack?
Claim to Fame: Three times platinum w/ his debut, "Jackpot", mostly due to the fact that he had Ludacris' support (DTP) and hit singles featuring remixes w/ JD along with Snoop Dogg.
Why he needs to "Say Goodbye": When is the last time you could recite a Ching-a-ling record? Besides "Pulling Me Back", Chingy has just been the subject of controversy and backlash from his former 'peeps'. From beginning and deading his relationship w/ Nelly to repeatedly dissing Ludacris but deciding to try to come back to his camp, Chingy has been looked at as more of a less-than-serious rapper rather than the follow-up St. Louis sensation to Nelly. Flopping album after album and having less and less to talk about, Chingy should stick to doing commercials rather than looking like more of a hype MC.
3. Dr. Dre
Claim to Fame: N.W.A, 2Pac, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, Fifty Cent...wait, this is just silly.
Why he needs to "Say Goodbye": With "Detox" being just about as over-hyped and long-awaited than the search for Osama Bin Laden (even longer!), the question has turned in to...does anyone care what he has to say? With respect to knowing his true feelings about the situations that occurred in his camp including Game/50, the uprising of Eminem, and his urge to get back in shape...I say save it for Barbara Walters and hang up the mic.
Claim to Fame: Classic album "Illmatic" along w/ being one of the most lyrical rappers in the history of hip hop.
Why he needs to "Say Goodbye": With more contradictions than...uhhmmm...himself, Nas has proven to prove himself wrong multiple times. From coming up w/ lyrical concepts that would make you think he studied at Harvard or (Rutgers!) Yale, Nas has created just about as many other records that center on money, cash and 'oes...yup. While he is easily one of the greatest to write a rhyme, Nas continues to push the envelope in hopes of creating something extra original; "Hip-Hop Is Dead". He should stick to the title of his last album and retire w/ Kelis somewhere warm.
5. Puffy aka P. Diddy aka Shiny Suit Man aka Puff Daddy aka Diddy
Claim to Fame: Introduced the world to the greatest rapper of all-time, Biggie Smalls, along w/ Ma$e, Lil' Kim, and other Bad Boy acts.
Why he needs to "Say Goodbye": Geesh, you must be kidding me...right?
Please bare w/ me. It is nearly 3 AM (Central Time) and I'm still awake watching a week long Fresh Prince of Bel-Air marathon. Therefore, this above image came a bit..uhhmm...'rushed'.
To be honest, I wanted to find a photo that showcased the components to the 'perfect' woman. What make the perfect woman? (And ladies, you all have Denzel. Therefore I don't want to hear it!)
I have slightly addressed this question in a previous posting or two, but I really want to address it.
Watching "Frankie and Johnny" with the family this evening really made me wonder if I still could not see myself w/ one specific (perfect?) woman. While I do agree (with myself) that I am no where close to trying to find Mrs. Right (remember, Mrs. Right NOW), but I am interested in considering the possibilities...
With my eyes winding down, I am composing the top qualities to classify the 'match.com' version of the woman that exists somewhere in the eternal sunshine of my spotless mind....:
Rosario Dawson's intelligence
Jada Pinkett Smith's loyalty
Angelina Jolie's (somewhat) mysterious ways
Ellen De Generes's (surprising?) humor
Geena Davis's wit
Eva Mendes's Spanish
Felica Pearson's (Snoop from The Wire) toughness
Vida Guerra's teeth/smile
Olivia's (G-Unit) complexion
Lucy Liu's feet
Okay, enough w/ this Cyrus' Mrs. Potato Head session! (And trust me, by next week the names and features will likely all be different!)
You've already noticed the title, "Mid-West Swing", well...I'm currently in Warrensburg, Missouri and if you can just about imagine cows, chickens, and mules OH MY, then you'd just about have an idea of where I am.
However, I'm not doing a quick posting to talk about the mid-west(ern) lifestyle or the different kinds of animals you may find here, but rather the "INTELLIGENCE" of these 'folk' (uh-oh, I'm already gaining their lingo!).
At a small gathering (wow, doesn't that sound sooo "Klan"-like, and not Wu-Tang? Open your minds, people!) this morning, I was surrounded by about 18-20 of my grandfather's golfing buddies...and when I say 'golfing buddies', please believe that this includes a handful of farmers, local folks, along with a former college professor.
After having coffee and donuts along with paying up the placed bets from the LSU and Ohio State game (LSU CRUSHED Ohio!) finished up, the discussion turned in to POLITICS. Thinking that the group would stay along the lines of "Democrats are the best" and "Republican is the only true party", I was shocked that those comments did not surface.
The typical idea of people in the mid-west being 'country' and not very smart is sooo sooo wack and not even close to accurate. In the meeting, discussions about the candidates' issues and factual percentages offered in their speeches all arose.
I learned so much information about what the candidates are and AREN'T saying in their speeches, the problems w/ their proposals, and even the gestures that were being made during the debates really opened my eyes.
Being in the NY area, you would think that there is more awareness of these things. However, it took a group of the most commonly dressed mid-western men decked out in jeans, mud on their shoes, and a few dirtied hats...to really make me realize that I need to get familiar!
While the idea behind this posting may seem like the typical "Don't judge a book by its' cover.", I promise you that it is much more serious. It is about getting hip to the game and knowing what is really going on...(okay, I'm on an extended vacation...my 'exciting' postings are in SLOW mode, yo!)
Wow, "Can U Believe"? Well, I suppose that question is posed to my "Internet Thugs", that one of the illest hip-hop journalists got knocked, fo' real fo' real?
Elliot Wilson, former Editor-In-Chief of XXL Magazine, got the Rick James slap across the face and is DONE (son!) at the magazine he helped take the great lengths.
Elliot Wilson, also known as "Yellow Nigga", killed the hip-hop scene w/ his editorials and his 'it's the incredible' style stories. For all of you that are not that sure about why this man should be one of the most cherised journalists to cover hip-hop, let me break it down...
*MTV Jamz (Helped build it up)
*XXL Magazine (Destroyed all other competition; Vibe Magazine, The Source, etc.)
*xxlmag.com (Had allhiphop.com, sohh.com, and the other sites shook!)
Those are just a few of the many accomplishments he has had. I know this posting is a bit vague, but bare w/ me...I'm still trying to believe the scoop!
To tie it all up, less than 24 hours ago...Harris Publications fired Wilson from the magazine, putting Executive Editor Vanessa Satten in charge. The only explanation, as of now, is that they were looking to go in a 'new' direction w/ the magazine.....say word!?
Okay, 'til I really see what is going on...I want to compose this list of TOP 5 Players in the Industry that either got fired, kicked out, or straight up crip walked out their position, leaving the company to nearly CRUMBLE.....hold your glasses for this one y'all!
1. Damon Dash loses Rocafella Records, Roca-Wear Clothing.
RESULT: Young Gunz? Memphis Bleek? Double Plastic.
2. Dave Chappelle fights the machine against Comedy Central and walks it out.
RESULT: Mad re-runs, faith placed in Carlos Mencia. (Please get serious, yo)
3. Mike finally retires from the Chicago Bulls ('98).
RESULT: When is the last time the Bulls made it PAST the second round? Oh, '98?
4. Ice Cube gets the f*&k outta N.W.A.
RESULT: Beef among N.W.A. members, total destruction.
5. Bill Clinton finally has to leave the White House.
RESULT: A nightmare.
Uhhhmmm...because we're not really in "love"...? You know I love Amerie, but this question of "Why Don't We Fall In Love" was a lil' bit too serious!
FYI: I really wanted to get a better image, but I couldn't resist the artwork, sorry!
Let me just take a quick few minutes to address the question of 'love'. First and foremost, WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU THINKING!?
One of the biggest problems is the men and women (and yes, 'boys and girls') that are admitting that they're "looking" for love. What!? Am I the only one that sees a problem w/ this?
There is too much emphasis on finding your soul mate, partner, and all of the other titles people give to the 'imaginary' person that somehow exists in the world (or their local town?).
From girls using myspace display names such as "Where is my Prince Charming" to being refused for a date because this particular girl was "looking for Mr. Right", I feel that it is only fair that I say my piece of mind.
Cyrus's Top 3 Reasons Why You're Looking For Mr. (Mrs.) Right:
1. You have WAY too much free time on your hands, which is leading you to wanting that special someone.
2. You don't have enough time for a relationship and/or your current 'life' is a bit hectic or boring, which leads in to your wanting of a soul mate.
3. You have not been married. (Divorced men and women, your voices need to be heard!)
Cyrus's Top Solution:
STOP!!! Really, really, and really. Go ahead and use the excuse of 'life is too short', but I'm telling you...live your life! My only solution is for everyone searching for Mr./Mrs. Right, re-mix it up and start looking for Mr./Mrs. Right Now. Get it? Enjoy the present, since it is a gift. (Shout-out to you, Common! That line is cwwazy!)
To all of the girls/women I have said I loved, I truly meant it at the time. So if you planned on making any changes or giving it a second shot, please re-read this posting 3 times. (I swear, I have been 'married' multiple times...I feel like an awakened bachelor and love it!!!)
The funny thing about the basketball season is that it really doesn't 'begin' until after All-Star Weekend. But fo' get that (yo!), I'm calling it now...
The Miami Heat are DONE.
Yes, yes, yes. Did I pick a perfect title or what? Go back almost 2 years ago and the Miami Heat had the top record in the Eastern Conference AND won the championship. Fast-forward some 547 days and they have the WORST record in the Eastern Conference, and practically the NBA. (Say word to even my New York Knicks!)
As much as I really can't stand the fact that Alonzo and GP were able to take the easy way out and tag along to get rings, I have to admit that seeing these guys take an "L" night after night after night after night (they are on their 5th straight loss as I am watching them against the Mavs) after night after night is making me just about ready to cop the NBA Live '08 game to help them out.
Coming off a championship season, you may not have to live to the expectation of repeating...but losing in the first round? As if that weren't enough, they were SWEPT by the team they beat the year before. 'aaammmmn. THEN, to make matters worse.....you're already at mid-season and you have the worst record in the league (just about...) When the Knicks (8-23), Hawks (15-15), AND Bobcats (11-20) have a better record than the Heat at ANYTIME of the season, some one has to answer.
Soooo, I am offering my top 10 Reasons for why the Miami Heat are really losing these games...Pat Riley, take notes!
1. Dwayne Wade is spending too much time acting rather than practicing for his T-Mobile commercials w/ Charles Barkley.
2. Shaq is watching daily marathons of 'Police Academy' preparing for his retirement.
3. T-Pain is stealing all of the Heat's shine and reppin' Florida the hardest.
4. Stan Van Gundy is sending texts at half time to Pat Riley bragging about how Orlando is so much better than the Heat.
5. Too many white guys are on the team.
6. Shaq thought that winning the Lottery Draft Pick meant something else.
7. Too many Heat players are still reading their iPhone manual instead of the playbooks.
8. Shaq's "Icy Pack" contract is being re-negotiated due to his performance as of lately.
9. Dwayne Wade is secretly trying to beat Gilbert Arenas in Halo even though Arenas is Injury Reserved, while Wade is active.
10. Isiah Thomas's lawsuit has Pat Riley focusing too much on how to give women bathroom duties without referring to them as 'slut', 'hoe', or 'itch.
If this were supposed to be a stunt to promote a straight-to-dvd 'Booty Call 2', I would say that it was justisfied.
Just for those of you who are not up-to-date with the latest gossip, Vivica A. Fox has the Internet goin'...uuhhm......confused?
Unlike the typical sex tapes and scandals, Vivica's was of her giving brain (sorry, 'oral sex' is not my idea of politically correct) to a fella that recorded the session on his camera phone. Oh, did I mention that she was drunk?
I'm telling you, technology is ill nowadays! I have yet to...uhhmm.....'study' the film, but I will just say that the years have caught up to the former stripper from Independance Day.
Awwww, what the ***BEEP***....let the Googlin' begin!
CYRUS' TOP 3 SEX TAPE JUMP-OFFs
1. Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee
2. Paris Hilton's A Night In Paris
3. Kim Kardashian/Ray J
Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee: These two laid the foundation to the popular sex tapes that exist today. Hate the player or the game? Well, these are the two players that helped develop the game!
Paris Hilton: Rich girl gone wild? Shows you that not even having 'that' much money can make you good in bed.
Kim Kardashian/Ray J: Booty, booty, booty everywhere. R&B singers packin' heat....wait, NO HOMO....whew, that one was close!
CYRUS' TOP 3 SEX TAPE DISASTERS
1. The R.Kelly Sex Tape
2. Chyna/X-Pac (Two wrestlers having sex?!)
3. TBA: (Vivica A. Fox's Brain Surgery Tape?)
***Runner-Up: Eve and her play toy
R Kelly: Well, at least it helped boost his music. He has gone harder than ever since '02! Just don't leave your niece around him. (Word to Sparkle!)
Chyna/X-Pac: When a woman has more muscles than you, don't film it.
TBA: Prove me wrong.
***Eve: Too short. Too unexpected. Too weird.
Can I Live?
Okay, so I am really starting off on the deep end with this posting, but just check, check, check-it out.
The life span of a rapper. Scratch that. The life span of an entertainer, particulary in the hip hop world. How long does the average rapper have in the game?
Yerp, this question is more frustrating than the bland argument which labels hip hop as the anti-christ. (Don Imus, you thought you had us pinned, huh?)
But seriously, how long does the average rapper stand to last in these times of tanking record sales and mashed images?
MIMS? Rich Boy? Shoot, you know I had a whole list of allegedly labeld 'one-hit' wonders, but my mind is in straight Memento-mode! Regardless, who hears that much by these guys anymore?
Of course it is not their fault. With the industry continuing to change more than rappers' jewelry and SoHo kicks, the radio spins and coverage are going towards the 'loudest' ones out there.
The LL Cool J's, Jigga's and 50's out there are becoming more and more scarce. The question really becomes, 'What can I do to stay relevant?'.
Flashy chains, catchy lines, and physical features aren't even helping out as much as they used to. Look at Kanye. Who would have thought he could have beat 50? Okay...remember, I 'am' a G-Unit (to def!) fan, so bare w/ me the defenses.
Things done changed, and life insurance can't even save our fading icons!
Whoa........I suppose now would be the best time to pull a Cam'ron, huh....
Yerrrppp, I am def. a few days late w/ this posting about the LA Lakers that rocked the short shorts (Beach Boys style!) for the first half against the classic rivalry team, Boston Celtics...
Not even arguing about the "L" the Lakers took, but focusing on Bryant's quote, "I felt violated. I felt naked." along with the fact that I never thought I would see booty shorts like this since Stockton retired....'aaaammmnnn....
***Bare w/ me, I'm still used to focusing on hip hop postings, I'm branching out w/ this Sports/Style Critique***
I should have done my research on this particular event, but from what I have gathered so far, it turns out that Jerry West was in the building and the Lakers were paying homage to the 'Back in the Days' LA Lakers (remember; Magic, Jabar, etc.). Couldn't they have just used some classic '80s style head bands? Weren't the shorts pushing the bar a lil' too far?
As much as I loved my childhood, do you really think I would rep it with some LA Gears or the faded black pants....no, the REALLY faded black pants? Not too familiar at this scenario? Just watch the original Robocop, you'll see what I mean!
Well, what is done is done...I just can't forget about those shorts......whoa....that is def. one for the books!